


Starlight

by ForensicSpider98



Series: Light [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam is dead, Canon Compliant Season 7, F/M, I'm Sorry, If You Squint - Freeform, If you want - Freeform, M/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Post-season 7, Voltron Crew bonding, allurance, basically some feels, klance, pre-Season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 22:11:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForensicSpider98/pseuds/ForensicSpider98
Summary: "Keith sits down on the dusty ground. In front of him is a headstone...The hollowness of neglect eats at him, both for himself and for his father’s grave. It had never occurred to Keith that he’d be the only one to really miss Daniel Kogane."





	Starlight

**Author's Note:**

> Come back tomorrow for Streetlight!

Keith sits down on the dusty ground. In front of him is a headstone. The space is woefully unkempt. Keith hasn’t been here but three times: the funeral, once with his mother, and now, alone by the light of the full moon. The hollowness of neglect eats at him, both for himself and for his father’s grave. It had never occurred to Keith that he’d be the only one to really miss Daniel Kogane.

He’s spent the last decade and a half (he thinks that’s how long it’s been) trying not to think about his father. It had taken him long enough to stop hating Daniel for leaving him all alone in the world. And then all that was left was an aching loneliness and the grief. And that had felt just as awful, if not worse.

Now, he has very few memories left, and these he clings to.

…

Keith’s first memory is of Daniel’s face. He was holding him in his gigantic arms, and Keith’s tiny fist was balled in his hair. Daniel kept pointing up to the sky, telling him about the stars. Keith had been too young to be able to remember what he’d said, possibly too young to even understand language.

But he remembers his father’s expression. He remembers the wistful, sad look in his father’s eyes as he gazed up at a particular star. Years later, he learned it was actually Venus, and that Daniel was been thinking of his mother. Keith has often wondered if he’d ever really stopped. He doubts it.

…

“Hey, Dad,” Keith whispers. “I’m sorry I haven’t come to visit you. I bet it’s been lonely. I…I get the feeling you’ve been lonely even longer than I have.”

Keith picks up a stray seed pod from a tumbleweed. He feels foolish. His father isn’t really here. He’s gone somewhere else, Keith hopes. Somewhere warmer, where the people he cared about would one day visit.

“I miss you. I always have. I…” Keith sighs. “I never really hated you. I-I hope you know that.”

He sits there in silence for a while, trying to organize his thoughts into an actual monologue of all the things he should have said years ago. At first, only one thing comes to mind.

“I love you, Dad.”

He’s never said it enough.

…

Daniel was always been reluctant to take him to the doctor, or anywhere really. He’d been homeschooled, and rarely, if ever, left their little patch of desert. Before Daniel’s death, Keith had never directly met another human being. He’d never been introduced to anyone, never claimed as Daniel’s son to another person. He’d never really understood why. He understood now.

Despite the isolation, Daniel loved him, and Keith was content. When he was six years old, Keith  caught the flu. Daniel called off work so Keith wouldn’t be alone. If he remembers correctly, his feet didn’t touch the ground for days. He’s pretty sure he spent an entire week in his father’s arms.

“Hang in there, sweetheart,” his father murmured, holding him naked under the cold shower in an effort to bring down the burning fever. “I’ve got you. You’re gonna to be just fine.”

That night, it was chilly. Daniel took him outside and they lay under the stars. Keith fell asleep in his father’s arms listening as he talked about the little pinpricks of light that guided travelers. Keith doesn’t remember a single thing he said about them, but he does remember the words Daniel whispered right before he fell asleep against his chest.

“You remind me so much of your mother.”

…

“I’ve fucked up. A lot. Got into fights. Stole a few cars. Punched my commander in the eye. Got kicked out of the Garrison. I’d guess you can figure out how.” Keith swallows hard. “It was hard, for awhile. Being around people all the time. People talk so much, I just couldn’t…I couldn’t take it. It was too much. I couldn’t relax.” Keith tosses away another tumbleweed fragment. “You would’ve been so disappointed.”

In the starlight, the letters on the headstone show in stark relief. Keith tilts his head up and gazes at the stars, thinking about all their names and the constellations they made. The ones he and his father had made together all those years ago, when Keith had run out of real ones to learn.

“I really missed you, Dad. I still do.”

…

“What’s that star there?”

“That’s Venus. The second planet. Earth’s lover. Venus is the name of a Roman goddess. She was the goddess of love and beauty.”

Keith remembers thinking about how his dad always liked to look at Venus.

“Is Venus one of our gods?”

“No, Keith. Venus isn’t anybody’s god anymore. She’s been forgotten.”

“Do we have any gods?”

“You and me? Not really. Your mother…she was the only thing I ever thought to worship.” Daniel drew Keith into his lap. “Her and you. Gods are what people use to explain where things come from, or to give them something to hope for. Gods are that something special that we just can’t quite comprehend. That beautiful mystery of the universe that we know we’ll never really put a pin on.”

Keith thought about all the little pins on the board in the living room where Daniel spent most of his time at home. He often wondered what his father was looking for. What he was listening for with those weird headphones and all that equipment. He just knew Daniel hadn’t found it yet. Keith supposes he was looking for Venus.

…

“I…I want you to be proud of me, Dad. I really hope you are. I’m kinda doing the same thing you did- saving lives. Except I have to take some too. I’ve killed a lot of people, Dad. Some, from a distance, and I never saw their faces. Other times I…I was right there. I looked them right in the eyes and I know what I did.”

Keith takes a shaking breath. This is hard. Feelings are hard. Admitting his faults is hard.

“I understand now why you couldn’t sleep sometimes. I didn’t understand why you were afraid of the dark. But I get it now. The dark is…it’s where everything you try not to think about waits for you.” He stares at his father’s name, at the “’93-‘27” inscribed below it. “I stay strong for my team, but I’m really hoping the end of this war comes soon, so I can start saving lives directly, instead of just taking lives and hoping I’ve saved somebody other than myself in the process.”

…

Keith remembers little about the day his father died. Only that morning, mostly. They were sitting at the dining room table eating scrambled eggs, like every other day.

“So what are you gonna do today, huh?”

Keith just shrugged.

“Wait for you to come back, I guess.”

Daniel just chuckled. It was a running joke they had, based off an old, fuzzy episode of some show from two centuries ago.

Keith is glad he’d thought to give his dad an extra hug as he left for his shift at the station.

He’s glad he’d whispered, “I love you.”

“When I get home, want to go stargazing?”

“I always wanna go stargazing. I bet Venus will be bright tonight,” he’d replied.

Venus had indeed been bright that night. Keith remembered to check as he’d been put in a car and taken away. He hasn’t looked at the planet since.

…

“I just...I wish you were here. Mom’s here, but there are just some things you were better at. You got the warm fuzzy crap better than she does, and I just really wish I had that right now. I just…” Keith sighs. “I just feel so alone.” Keith stares at the dust-coated headstone, wishing not for the first time that he’d find an answer here. Something to fill that empty slot the desert had left him with twenty-something years before when Krolia had left them.

“Hey, Mullet.” Keith turns with a start to see Lance standing there. “Krolia told me I’d find you here.” Lance shifted. “Can I join you?”

“Sure, but…what are you doing here?”

Lance sat down next to Keith and gazed at the headstone. The moon was hanging low in the sky now.

“I wanted to apologize. For calling you a dick earlier. I was just…You scared me, Keith.”

Keith hugs himself. “Sorry. I’m not used to people worrying about me. I’ll get better.” He hesitates. “Thanks, Lance. For caring, I mean.”

Lance scoots a little bit closer. Keith feels weird. Is it normal for your best friend to hang out with you at your father’s grave? He isn’t sure. But he doesn’t mind the company.

“Hey, Daniel.” Keith jumps and turns to Lance in surprise. “I want to thank you. For Keith, I mean. For bringing him into the world. He might drive me nuts and we might fight a whole lot, but he’s the best friend an obnoxious Latino fighting a Space war could hope for.”

Keith stares. Lance makes it look so easy. He wonders if Lance has had a lot of practice speaking to the dead.

“You should be proud of him, y’know. He does so much and he’s become such a great leader. He’s saved my skin like a million times. And he has a really cool dog. But you should be a little annoyed too, because Keith Kogane has the biggest fucking death wish ever. We had a massive fight about it like six hours ago. Neither of us won. There’s never really a winner when we fight.”

Keith laughs. Lance is absolutely right. By all outward appearances, they can’t stand to be near each other. But the truth is there’s no one Keith trusts more. Except maybe Shiro, but even that’s a bit of a gray area right now.

“Don’t you worry, Daniel. I’ll look after him. I promise.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes. Long enough for it to sink in that Lance isn’t giving up on him. That he thinks Keith is something worth holding onto, worth fighting for. Then Lance turns to Keith with a smile.

“It’s getting cold out here. And Everyone’s is worried about you. Give you a ride? We can go watch Krolia and Kolivan try to flirt with each other.”

Keith nods, laying a hand on his father’s headstone as he follows Lance to his hoverbike. He slips his hands into the pockets of his new red leather jacket as he looks up at the stars. Suddenly, he stops.

“Keith? What is it?”

“Nothing,” Keith whispers. “Venus is bright tonight.”.


End file.
